Lack of Identity
Fathers provide identity. We hear a lot about
women with daddy issues but rarely about men with daddy issues. When the
father is missing in action, both men and women will develop daddy issues.
Women with daddy issues normally lack the affirmation that they need.
As a result many live promiscuous lives because any man who approves of
them is entitled to have sex with them. In many of these cases, any
attention is accepted whether positive or negative. Women will also
exhibit anger and hatred toward men as a result of their father’s inactive
and/or negative role in their lives. Normally, the label of daddy issues is
assigned to women. However, many men are also plagued with daddy
issues. Many times, the effects of a missing father include a high
level of sensitivity, causing their feelings to be easily hurt.
Insecurity is common where fatherlessness is present. God considers fathers to be such an integral
part of providing identity that even
though He did not allow a man to participate in the creation of His Son Jesus, He assigned
a suitable man to be the provision
for the protection and early identity
of Jesus. People identified Jesus as the son of Joseph. They identified
Jesus as a carpenter which is
the occupation that Joseph taught Him. They identified
Him as the son of David who is
in Joseph’s bloodline. Finally, we identify Jesus as the Son of God after God proclaimed that
Jesus is His Son and He is well pleased with Him. Some people will pursue
notable positions or financial security with the expectation that it will
give them identity and soothe their
feelings of insecurity. The
attainment of tangible things reveals one undeniable horror: things
will never provide you with identity.
In Biblical days,
people were identified by their father. For example: David was
referred to as David son of Jesse, Solomon as Solomon son of David,
and James and John as James and John sons of Zebedee. In contrast,
today many people seek identification through their occupation or
abilities. Some parents even seek to be identified by
the talent and abilities of their children. As a result, many
children are forced to participate in sports, the arts, and even
specific occupations that they may not desire for themselves. In an
attempt to please their parents, these children sacrifice their
own happiness and desires in order to support their parent’s search for identity.
In cases such as this, the roles are reversed and the child becomes
the provider of identity instead of having identity provided for them by
their parents. The role of the father was established by God to provide
identity for the family. Fatherlessness has greatly corroded the family
structure. Even when fathers are physically present within the
home, fatherlessness can and may still exist. If a man lives with his
children and decides to be a nonparticipant in the hands-on raising
of his children, this situation presents a more hazardous environment
than a home without a father present. According to researchers at
Columbia University, “Children living in two-parent households with poor
relationships with their fathers are 68% more likely to smoke, drink, or use
drugs compared to all teens in two-parent households. Teens in single mother
households are at a 30% higher risk than those in two-parent households.” God has given fathers an essential role in the development
of children and when this role is not fulfilled, it produces children who grow
into adults who are deficient in some area.
